I'd ask how you are doing, but at the moment, I really don't care. Please feel free to shrug off my indifference to your state of being and let me indulge in my thoughts for a bit. Yesterday was not a productive day as far as being a good student and studying hard. I dropped the books and traveled to Salt Lake City to go hang out with a group of gay men. It saddened me that a lady friend of mine could not travel with me but hopefully that will be corrected at another time.
The drive up was interesting. I enjoy watching how people interact with each other. Attraction is a fascinating thing to observe because, let's be honest, we are pathetic when we flirt. It makes no difference, in my opinion, what your gender or gender preference is. You'll still look like a dork to an outsider as you flirt. Those romance comedies, in my opinion, are so popular because of the fact that they spotlight human idiocy when it comes to falling in love. We say, talk, and do weird things. Sometimes it's cute, such as the physical connection of holding onto another's arm or the touching of a shoulder lightly. Sometimes it's awkward, say with a person being slightly intoxicated and touching the leg of a stranger or forcing hugs with a person they've barely met. Other times it's incredibly creepy, say like when a perfect stranger runs his hands down the arm of another stranger without any other communication while moving past them on the way to the bathroom or other location. Sure, you could argue this last one is more like an accidental bump, Sentry. But really now, have you ever considered how creepy it is to be minding your own business, unaware of the approach of this stranger, and then feeling his hand go from your shoulder to your elbow in a sweeping, semi-intimate touch. Not fun.
Attraction is interesting in how it drives a person to connect with another person. I think that we as people insist on there being order to the chaos in our lives. We insist that opposites attract, that straight men are in denial, that you must be a certain body type to attract the attention of your peers, that gays are an abnormality or perverse mental disorder or just plain odd, and that lesbians are always mere minutes away from pulling out their moving vans upon meeting a fellow lesbian. And while all this has a certain degree of truth to it (in some cases that truth is just simply wishing it were so), let's be honest, Sentry, there can only be one response to this: What the hell is wrong with us?
Now, for me, eyes are one of the most attractive feature on a person. In fact, eyes can be so compelling that they can make a straight man out of me on occasion (extremely rare occasions, mind you). Eyes can be brilliant or dull, Sentry. They can convey so much emotion or none. Basically, they entertain and fascinate me for hours. One example that comes to my mind almost immediately are the eyes of my "wife." I love her dearly and the thing that catches my attention the most is how expressive her eyes are. Her most vivid and powerful emotions are irritation and anger...so it's fun to get her annoyed. Now, she may read this, Sentry, so I should tell her now: you're awesome and I love you! Sending you love and lights always! *wink*
Another example comes from a guy that I saw last night. He had the most beautiful green eyes that I've ever seen. The green was distinct and clear and not cloudy or murky as my blue eyes can be. This, by the way, is not a slight on me, Sentry. Rather, his eyes were the most deliberate green I've seen and made me wonder if he were wearing contacts. They were mesmerizing, honestly, Sentry. Mesmerizing.
My final thought on attraction is on what governs who we like. This is something I've thought on a lot lately. See, sadly, I've been going about it the wrong way. I've always that I was attracted to people that are kind or compassionate, intelligent, and such because I find that personality intriguing and possessing of endless possibilities. Evidently I have been wrong in assuming that I am attracted to this because I find these qualities admirable. Last night, I discovered that the stars are responsible for this attraction. In my case, the moon has assisted or has some roll in determining this (I'm a bit confused on this point). So I say to that constellation (oh all right and the moon), Thank you. Can you provide me a man now? Yes, Sentry, astrology is what I'm talking about. No, I'm not joking, so please stop laughing or I will smack you later. I, being a Cancer (remind me to tell you an awkward story about that later), am evidently ideally matched with Pisces. Why? Cause crabs like fish? (That reminds me of another quite lame joke) Cause somehow our personalities work...
Anyway, I'm sure there are more meaningful and insightful explanations for the whys behind this...but I don't know them. And with that, Sentry, those are my thoughts on attractions and such from my experiences last night. Fun, huh? Oh, and a parting song at the end of this letter.
Six Years Out
1 year ago