I apologize for the long pause between this letter and the previous one. School has been busy and lots of stress decided to attack me all in one go but that's how life is. If it's gonna rain, it'll pour, ha ha!
So since writing the previous letter to you on my thoughts on beauty, I have decided to focus this letter on what is ugly to me. I don't really think you can fully talk about beauty until you address what is ugly, Sentry. I mean, it's all fine and good to discuss what catches and pleases the eye and mind, but how about what doesn't? I think that it's a good idea to talk about what is not appealing in order to better understand yourself. I hope I don't sound cocky or arrogant in this letter, Sentry. It's not my intention to do so or even remotely come across as that.
What is ugly to me has four major characteristics: arrogance, cruelty, vanity, and a certain type of coercion through the use of guilt. Arrogance, vanity, and cruelty are fairly obvious. So I won't dwell on what they are but rather why I find them unattractive. Arrogance and vanity are an emphasis on the self at the expense of those around the person. I find that so ugly because why would I want to be with someone whose only interest is in them? My experience with arrogant and vain people is that they are friends with you for the most part to use you. I find this utterly ugly. Cruelty is something I just don't want to be around. I can forgive accidental or unintentional cruelty but I cannot forgive deliberate cruelty. Such an act by a person ruins any desire on my part to want to be around them, Sentry, or think they are beautiful. I hate cruelty that's intended to cause harm in another person. A cruel person is truly ugly just as an arrogant or a vain person is to me.
The last characteristic requires a bit of explanation. I fully admit that there are people that are victims in this world, Sentry. We all, at times, can be victims in different situations. That is both understandable and expected. I have only compassion and sympathy for victims. However, I find it truly offensive and ugly when someone uses that sympathy or compassion by twisting it into guilt to force another person to pursue a romantic relationship with them. Using things that you dislike about yourself or others have made you feel a victim over to coerce another person into dating you is ugly to me. Whether they understand what they are doing or not, is not important to me, Sentry. I find it repulsive to do that. If I want to date a person, I want to because I think they are beautiful and not out of pity or sympathy. So, that's why I find this one ugly. It's betraying me when a person does that. Unfortunately, I have had people do this to me, Sentry, but thankfully I have learned that I don't want that in my life.
I need to add an asterisk to the previous sentence by saying that I am not one to want to describe a person as ugly. I would rather avoid such descriptions by saying anything but that about the person. But I admit that if I am going to define ugliness, that I have to think I have met people that were truly this, and that I will continue to meet them.
And that's all I want to say on this, Sentry! Have a good night!
Six Years Out
1 year ago