Summer and Snow

Arch Nemesis,

The semester has ended at last at Brigham Young University and with it's end you have actually managed to graduate. This is further proof in my mind that schools are morally blind to the evilness that radiates off you. Now sure, it might be said that you with sweet naivete passed through the campus of BYU blissfully unaware of reality, but really who are we kidding? The evilness of your approach to life and schooling lies in your inability to want to see reality as it truly is and not as you want it to be. But I will concede that we all have that problem, Arch Nemesis. I am just morally superior in my ways. It's what happens when you are right in all your thinking.

So now what? Will Jerusalem, city of your current residence, now break out in rejoicing? Is it too much to hope that reality will sneak up behind you and clobber you over the head? Perhaps. But I find it humorous that you are in a program that forbids you from dating. Are you so afraid of women that you have to join institutions that frown upon romantic interactions with them? Seriously, it's ok to like women...if you even like them at all.

Summer is here at last, dear arch nemesis. What will you remember it for? What will I remember it for? I suppose that only time will tell. It has been my view that summer should be a time where goals are made and met and fun times are pursued with as much zeal as can be given to it. It is the season of going out on the lake, ocean, river, and/or pool; bonfires and camping; hiking and road trips; late nights full of movies and just hanging out and chatting; night games; day games; board games; fun reading; movie watching; barbecuing; and star gazing late into the night.

It certainly hasn't felt like summer here, though. I have seen snow falling over the past couple of days and that is just an affront to my righteous senses. Can we at least agree on that or has geographic location destroyed your ability to even agree with me on that?

I owe you a letter on religion and will get to that. I realize that my usual elegance in cutting through the evil that encumbers you is somewhat lacking in this letter. Fear not, arch nemesis, I shall return to that in later letters.

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity

When We Were Gods

Arch Nemesis,

I want to change topics for a little bit. We've discussed gay rights and your lack of taste in music. Now, I'd like to shift the focus to religion itself. To start off, though, I wanted to summarize my thoughts in the form of a poem. I can only pray that you are capable of understanding my thoughts. As a rival, it is essential to be able to do so! But if not...I'll explain it in the next post.

When we were gods,
Immortality constantly within our grasp,
The seas bent to our command;
Trees shuddered:
Our footsteps were the stuff of nightmares.
Where we walked
None dared follow.
Our rage was pure, undefiled.
The very elements voiced our emotion.
Volcanoes:
Hatred unmatched.
Typhoons:
Echoes of primordial screams,
Rending the sky and earth.
Tsunamis:
Fury tangible.

With a mere thought,
Men and women became as animals;
Our jealousy:
The power they feared.
All forces bowed to us:
Light, darkness, death, and nature;
We bent them to our will as none else could.
The world,
No,
The universe was ours forever,
When we were gods.

Now, fate has betrayed us,
Turned time against the immortals.
We have become like the brutes:
Subject to death.
Our lives have faded,
From dust to dust;
Glory of our beauty
In stone, wood, and metal
Has become tarnished,
Worn, and corrupted.

No Zeus guides the lightening,
The sun and moon have no masters,
The titans are dead as we are soon to be,
Images and memories of our days of glory
Now reside in the few.
We have become as myths:
Stories to enchant little ones,
Scoffed at by all of humanity.
Love lacks the blindfolded archer to guide
And a goddess that rose from the sea to command him.

The skies, seas, woods, and mountains are empty.
The faeries, gods, nymphs, and dryads:
Voices from the dust,
Nothing in which to cling to.
The typhoons have lost their masters,
Tsunamis their purpose,
Volcanoes their drive.
All has faded away,
The stuff of myths and legends
Of a time long since passed:
When we were gods.

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity

Chasms of the Heart

Dear Mom and Dad,


How do I even begin this? I have started this letter so many times that even as I write it now my stomach twists up in knots of fear and panic. You two mean a great deal in my life. I love you both beyond words. I ache so much to just tell you this in person, to walk with you somewhere (anywhere) and talk with you for hours. If it were in my power, I would talk until you understand where I'm coming from and accept me for who I am. 


As I write this, I realize that I have been trying to tell you this ever since the day I came out to you. Eight years later and the fact is that I'm still gay. Nothing has changed. My heart remains ever bound to the male gender as it did in the beginning. 

I am as scared now as I was then when I sat on your bed in the house on Gray Mare Way. My palms were sweaty then and I was so terrified to admit what I had come to realize. It was you, Mom, that I talked to first. I was too scared to actually ask to talk to you. I had to make you ask me what was wrong first. So when I told you and you didn't even respond I was devastated. It felt as though some chasm had opened up and I was falling down into a dark hole. But then I felt betrayed when days later I discovered that you told Dad and he never thought to share that he knew this about me. That knowledge hurt so much. My parents knew of the terror that was overtaking my life at the time but didn't think it necessary to talk to me about it. 

I stood alone then.

Now I stand here once again. I don't know how to close the chasm that I feel has opened up between us. I'm afraid that you don't want that chasm breached. But I have to do it. I have to cross over and reach out to you. I am your son! I love you guys more than anything in the world. I'm no longer afraid of who I am. I'm no longer afraid to walk through life as I am: a gay man. But I am afraid of losing you two. I know that I can't wait for you to come to me. You won't. But I will come to you. 

Stand with me. 

Love me for who I am. It's all I'm asking. I want more than anything to tell you about how my heart beats over a guy that I like. How I look forward to the day when I have kids with that special someone. How I ache so much to be loved and needed. I want to share with you my pain and joy. Not to torture and torment you. But as an expression of love. Let me have that with you. You have that with your other children. Why not me? 

I am the one that will happily care for you when old age has at last caught up with you. I am the one that will happily and willingly strive to make your life easier for you. I only ask that you do that for me in return. Be there emotionally. Don't pull back, please! We are a family and I want to do my part to be there for everyone. Why is it permitted to ignore who I am and then to lash out at me to be something I'm not? I love you and always will. 


Your son always,
Heartbroken

End of the World

Arch Nemesis,

This is quite possibly my favorite sad song. You should like it too.



May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity

Labels

Arch Nemesis,

Compassion. Forgiveness. Communication. Understanding. These are qualities that are essential to friendship. They transcend the arbitrary barriers of religion, race, sexuality, gender, and age. Love, in all its forms, rests upon these most simple and yet difficult qualities. Without these qualities, friendships and romantic relationships whither and die. Upon these qualities rests the entirety of a relationship full of experiences and commonalities that reside between individuals bound together by the cords of friendship and love.

Humans are social creatures. This is most apparent when some of the cruelest forms of punishments that can be dealt out in civilized society takes the form of ostracizing a member from a peer group. The pain of loneliness, isolation, or being ignored are heavy and almost impossible to bear at times.

Those qualities listed above are essential and for that, arch nemesis. But I have learned more than just that. Who am I? Am I the sum of just labels? Do they offer any real insight into me as a person? Am I the sum total of characteristics, quirks, and the odd smile now and then? Am I who I am from my actions or what others see of me?

Atheist.
Liberal.
Queer.

What do these three things tell about me? Very little actually. None convey the joy that I have for reading, the compassion and love I have for my friends and those around me, or even the zest that I have for life. They cannot because they aren't meant to. They are simply labels of the most mundane kind. Rather, I am what I am by how I treat others. What I think, feel, and say matter very little except to only reinforce how I react to others. We are all defined by how we treat others. A prophet is nothing unless he is serving others according to the calling God has given him. A father will never be a father unless he has children to raise, support, and love. A dictator is nothing unless there are those cowering beneath the lash of his tyranny.

I am more than my labels. Labels are one-dimensional, shallow descriptions of nothing more than just a flimsy description instead of the depth and eloquence of truly knowing someone for all their faults, strengths, quirks, sorrows, and weaknesses. Whatever you are, arch nemesis, far outweigh your labels (evil, terrified of women, sissy, etc.).

So, arch nemesis, what are you?

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity

Music

Arch Nemesis,

I want to talk a break from pointing out your many horrid political and horrid flaws and instead focus on music. Now, this is a touchy subject so I won't necessarily attack your rather childish interest in music. Instead, I want to share some of my favorite songs that are, in my opinion, quirky.

The Dumbing Down of Love by Frou Frou



Ohio by Over the Rhine




Lie to Me by Shane Mack



Enjoy. See the light...leave the Cheetah Girls behind. Really, Arch Nemesis...people are laughing at me because my arch nemesis listening to that group. People are starting to talk...

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity

Squaring the Circle

Arch Nemesis,

I've been thinking some more and wanted to add another serious post to this. Now, I know we have our fun. I call you an abomination, traitor, evil, so loathsome the Devil himself would toss you out of Hell; you know, light-hearted things. And you with equal light-hearted thought call me friend and misguided. We are equal on this as I see it. But of course, I would expect evil to deny the righteousness of its opposition. So I forgive you for your horrid, depraved, merciless ways.

In my last letter I attempted to enlighten you on just a tiny sampling of the people you wish to fight against. I could go on and bring in anecdotal evidence from as far away as the United Kingdom to just a matter of a distance that spans less than a football field. All of this would do what for you? Would it reveal the error of your ways and let in the light of the rightness of my cause? Surely not. How do I know this? It is manifested in the form of a mutual friend. A friend that I shall simply call Doctor. Now, Doctor has not the eloquence that I possess (who does have that gift to the degree that I possess it?) but I have noticed your friendship with him. Doctor, as you well know, is gay and happy about that. Now, I'm sure you'll say things like, "I love the sinner and hate the sin" but really, what does that mean?

I may despise your evil nature with a passion that surprises those around me. I may even consider you the very antithesis of light and goodness and that if there were such thing as a soul that yours would be the type that would suck that essence out of all others. But, I devolve into teasing you light-heartedly once more. What I did want to share was how fuzzy that line is between loving a person and hating what they do and how despite that you still manage to shelter yourself from that reality. I shall continue. Now, I will concede (a rare moment, indeed!) that habits are far easier to separate from the individual. A smoker is easier to be around and still separate the person from the addiction.

What about us wily gays?

How do you separate a person from their "addiction." And what is that addiction? Is it loving someone so purely and truly that they want to spend the rest of their lives with them, or even raise a family with them? Is it the desire to actually marry or wanting to have health care benefits and all other legal rights afforded a heterosexual married couple? Such a strange form of addiction. What about the desire of gay couples to attend churches, political rallies, be active in the lives of their children? Are these all manifestations of an addictive behavior? Where do you draw the line?

Imagine yourself telling Doctor, "I love you, bro, but I can't accept your lifestyle." What does that mean? I will substitute "addiction" with "lifestyle" and apply the questions of the previous paragraph to this word. What do friends do? I know that if one of my friends were to have a celebration of sorts, that I would go and show my support for them whether it be a bat mitzvah, baptism, birthday celebration, or even an anniversary of a wedding. I would do this regardless of their religion (or lack thereof), political affiliation, partner preference, sports team of choice, university allegiance, preference of good or evil, etc.

If you knew Wild and Seeker (which you very well may), I hope you would be able to transcend their preference in partner or their religious affiliation. I know that I would do so with you - I would ignore the rancid darkness that destroys your very mind, the cruelty which festers inside of you. Yet, alas, I know this to be not the case. Despite knowing Doctor, you still choose to maintain the views that you have likely held since a child. I would even go further as to state that the simplicity that you saw the world in at a young age is still maintained in those views now. You choose not to see that a circle fits into a circle hole. Rather, you'd rather put a square in the circular hole. Why, my arch nemesis?

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity

The Non-Superficial Quality of Others

Arch Nemesis,

It has been quite some time since I have last written a letter exposing the evil that is you. I shall now reveal more to you. I have gone down a path of self-discovery towards understanding just who I am and who others are. What am I talking about? I realize that you probably cannot fathom to any degree what I am talking about. That's expected, arch nemesis. I shall explain it to you.

Clearly we are not one-dimensional beings. Even a pure evil being such as yourself has some form of variety in comparison to other pure evil beings (I find this hard to believe with you). I'm talking about labels here. Labels are useful for many purposes. For example: I am good and you are evil. I have labeled myself under that most virtuous of terminology while giving you the most vile of terms. But there is more. You in your evil nature, contemptible as it is, are more than just that. You are naive, book smart, and cruel. Sure, some of those duped by your evil-ness, may claim that you are kind, awkward, and even dorky, but I try not to listen to the opinions of others duped by you.

My example in this are a group of individuals that fall under the same labels as me: gay and Mormon. We share these labels in common but in some cases this is by name only. Those individuals, as I shall classify now, are men that I consider to be friends. In my virtuous debauchery I have seen them to be moral, kind, humorous, and intelligent. It is quite doubtful you will ever find such strength of character in any of your evil hordes that you associate with. Their labels define an aspect of them but do not totally make them who they are. No label - be it religious, psychological, or social - can do so. We are who we are due to the totality of all variety that we give to our so-called labels and their interactions with each other.

First example, by way of introduction, is an individual that I shall name as Seeker. He is your typical guy: wants to have fun, intelligent, and funny. Meet him and you'll think nothing beyond that. What makes him on the side of good like I am as opposed to your side, my arch nemesis? He is gay and Mormon. That is the one dimensional label that I'm talking about. On closer inspection, there is more to him that creates the richness of his personality. He possesses an ability to know where he can and cannot go in life a quality that even I, in all my grand perfection, admire and envy a little too. I will say no more on that in case he should stumble across this letter and discover it to be himself. So what makes Seeker unique? In my arrogantly humble opinion it is his kindness towards others. It is both gentle and firm, loving and funny all at once.

My second example will possess the name Wild. He takes a different path than Seeker but both are equally strong in personality and desire to find what will harmonize with their hearts and minds. Both are good. Wild at first glance: handsome, shy, and a leader. He has the same labels as both Seeker and I. But there is, as expected, more. He struggles to find the balance between what is right and what is familiar. He stands with the familiar while aching to cross over into what is right and what is good. I admire the courage he has to decide where he will go. I know he will do the right thing for him.

Why did I post this? Certainly any other person will find all of this so obvious and even claim my descriptions are still superficial. Yet I, in my generous stinginess know what is to be done. This is the first letter of several that I want to use to explain a non-political point to you, creature of darkness. Hopefully, you'll understand the truth soon enough.

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity