Everyone Loves a Lesbian!

Dear Sentry,

I apologize for my all too common disappearances. This past month has, with yearly regularity, both disabled and enabled me to continue on with life. It disabled me with the all too familiar melancholy of that comes this time of year accompanied by deep soul-searching that has enabled me to renew my desire to experience life in all its beauty and wonder.

In other words, Sentry, I'm back!!! And to celebrate my return, I share a few couple videos that my wife shared with me, ha ha! Warning, they might be offensive to some people.

The first video made me laugh out loud so hard that it's rapidly become one of my favorite videos! In other happy news, my wife and I are in a domestic partnership now on Facebook (official, right?) and because I asked her to be in it, Facebook told her that she's my boyfriend! This is the second time I've had a female boyfriend but she is by far the best! Love you, wife!

I really didn't have any point in talking to you, Sentry, aside from sharing clips and not having a point in doing it. I confess that I miss you. And have so many posts to complete and put up. I hope you day goes well!

Your friend,
Traveler

With or Without You

Dear Sentry,

To lighten the mood of this letter, I have added pictures of guys (and one girl) because, come on, who doesn't like cute guys (except my wife, of course)?

(For the wife, of course...Is she cute?)

I wish to write about relationships today. I will not lie and claim I have been in one with another guy but I will admit that my connection to relationships will be further explained down below. I began this past year in focusing on relationships, whether that was romantic or friendship. I have learned a great deal this past year. I learned of love, of respect, of kindness, of compassion, of anger, of jealousy, and of hope. I have observed my friends enter into romantic relationships with others or even attempt to build relationships with others. I have watched failures as well as successes.

 (I find this picture cheesy for some reason)

Marriage. Two of my friends got married last June in a beautiful wedding that made me smile and have hope for my future and for the my friends' futures. I was fortunate to help a friend put together the food that would be served at the wedding and meet a wonderful lesbian couple. The wedding mixed LDS and Christian themes throughout the ceremony with the officiator being a former temple sealer. Another set of friends were married in an LDS temple and now live far away from me. I wish to both of these couples long and happy lives full of a wealth of experiences. I hope one day to be married but that is a distant dream simply expressed right now in the form of a single phrase, nothing more. The here and now is focused on other things of more immediate importance.

(Bare feet on the counter? My mother would have shot him!)

Boyfriends and girlfriends. I have watched as many friends have entered into these relationships. Some are no longer in them. I have seen their heartbreak and anger, confusion and happiness from this. One friend had the girl and he pray before becoming a couple. I will refrain from commenting in case they ever read this post. Suffice it to say, Sentry, they are now a couple. What is it I have learned, Sentry? I have learned that in each situation, both individuals must see the relationship as something that has added to their lives and not as something that can save them from themselves. Those that have pined for love and put the object of their affection on pedestals of perfection seem to only be avoiding the broken aspects of their own souls. Those that have had success in being in a relationship have allowed time to wear away at infatuation and replaced it with love, admiration, acceptance, and a willingness to stick with things. Sentry, I'm sure this is all obvious to you. For me, this has not necessarily been so.

What of my experiences? I have many awkward stories. But I do have one requirement to any date or any hanging out. I only ask of friends, potential lovers, and family to want to be there with me. I hate the idea of anyone feeling obligated to be there or doing it as some kind of act of charity or service. I am perfectly capable of accepting rejection, Sentry. Trust me, I get it all the time and I just laugh it off and move on with my day. Why obsess and focus on the negative when so much positive surrounds my life each day?

(Tattoos = cute!)

This past summer, Sentry, I focused on just making friends. To this day I still long for that period of time. Ignoring anyone that was interested in me was so much fun. To just spend those warm summer days dodging anything deep or involved left my very being alive with energy and excitement. But the long autumn months and winter months have since seen attempts to change that aspect of my heart. And while there has been much learning. The most important lesson that I have learned is this: give love to all those around me. Sure, Sentry, that sounds sooooo cheesy. And it is.

This past year, my eyes have become opened to how people act around me because I have learned to care about myself and about those around me. For that, I am grateful for this past year on relationships.

Your friend,
Traveler

(How could I not share this with you?)

Intolerable

Dear Dad,

As goes without saying, I love you. You have taught me many things in life and I am grateful for that. But I write this letter out of frustration and it is directed at you. Seriously, Dad, grow up. While I was watching the first episode of Glee, you walked in for perhaps ten seconds, watched a clip and made a comment that irritated me. Here's the clip, in case you forgot:

You made the comment, "I don't want to watch any show where a girl sings 'I kissed a girl.'" Why did this frustrate me? Because you speak out of ignorance. Yes, you have the right to listen to what you want and believe what you want, however intolerant or stupid it may be. But had you watched the rest of the show, or even another episode, you would have discovered that girl is straight and just loves to push the boundaries. But no, you had to make your judgment based off of whatever moral standard you think is right.

Now on to what lies beneath your bigotry. I am tired of hearing you spout phrases and comments from Rush Limbaugh to defend an ideology I am so certain you have barely thought through. How is it you can comfortably say that the government has no right to lay claim to your money or make laws that protect the rights of others from your views and your opinions? How is it you can believe that Democrats, gays, feminists, and so many others are evil, misguided, and full of hate when all I ever hear from you is bitterness, anger, and frustration? How is it that you believe the government has the right, that you in particular have the right, to intervene in the life of a pregnant woman and tell her what to do with the baby? How is it that you can tell gay men and women that they are second class citizens in this country, undeserving of the most basic of rights? How is it that you can claim that the real victims in the United States of America are white Christians? I am sick of this.

Let that girl, or any girl throughout this whole wide world, say that she likes kissing a girl. Let her. I am not particularly interested in this or even find it attractive but I don't recall thinking that what I think or want matters to that girl. She doesn't care and that's perfectly fine. You, Dad, are permitted to like Mom because society agrees that their opinion doesn't matter in this. They simply support a union forged in love and commitment to each other. Never mind that your beliefs are repulsive and blasphemous to fundamentalist, evangelical Christians. Never mind that your political views are laughable to nearly half the citizens of this great nation. Never mind that your words, spoken with flippancy, have hurt those around you. Never mind any of that. It doesn't matter. That a girl could like a girl causes you to speak with such disgust and hatred is what frustrates me. Grow up and get over it. We're different and that's that.

What will you say to me in the future? I am gay and proud of it. That has taken me years to reach this point that I could even state that. It has taken me years to even look myself in the eye in the mirror and to even be comfortable in my own skin. Why? Because people like you have taught me that I am evil, selfish, and unwanted by God. You have sought to set at naught the very teachings of the God you believe in and that disappoints me. There is already so much cruelty, despair, and hopelessness in this world. How dare you add to it.

If she were real, I'd say push boundaries. Let all society enter into the debate on whether what's being pushed is good or not, without the employment of hate. We as a nation have never achieved perfection. Our greatest moments in history are not the pinnacles of our achievement, merely a point to reach on our continuous upward climb to a better society. That's what we as Americans are engaged in: a social and political experiment. I am so sick and tired of the bullsh*t that you spout. It's sickening how you think you are obligated or permitted to tear down others just to make yourself feel better. Whatever happened to the dad that I grew up with? Did I imagine a father that was more interested in the affairs of his family over what politicians on the other side of the nation did or said? Did I imagine a father that would read his scriptures, share his testimony, and talk to his children about what mattered in their lives? Perhaps...

I will let you rant and rail in my presence for as long as you feel necessary. I have my views and am no longer interested in giving heed to what you say until you can meet the most basic of my requirements for discussion. But what I will not tolerate is if you attack my friends or, someday, the person I love based on their political beliefs, religious beliefs, personal beliefs, or even their sexuality, race, or gender. This, is a warning in advance: you will never be permitted to speak rudely of the person I love. You may speak of concerns you have. But if you mock or belittle a boyfriend or my future husband on the grounds that he is gay or acts not as manly as you wish, then we will have words. Cruelty is intolerable. I will not permit your bitterness to inflict wounds upon those I love.

With that said, allow me to share things that I think are good and wholesome to me. They will likely be offensive to you. But I find Rush Limbaugh and most of your well-liked political pundits repulsive. Yet still, I sit through their hate-filled rants when I am with you and am willing to express love to you and a desire for a better world around me. You don't have to like or even watch these videos but know that they carry the message that means a lot to me: we, in all our variety as human beings, are equal to each other.

Merry Christmas, Dad. My hope is that you will find what is promised in this song below and remember what it is teaching. Christianity is not a warrior religion to me. It is the religion of the fallen, the hopeless, the forgotten. It is the religion of healing and forgiveness. It is not the religion of utterly crushing your fellow man or of utter humiliation over your opponents. It is not the religion of pride or of arrogance but of humility, of meekness, and of love.

Your son,
Frustrated

Words From the Heart

Dear Sister C,

I congratulate you on the wedding of your daughter and wish them the the brightest of marriages: full of hope, much joy and laughter, and deep and thought-provoking moments in life! I can only hope for a long and happy life for the two of them and I only hope for a long and happy life for you, your husband, and your children and their spouses.

It is evident in your very words and actions the depth of your love for God and the LDS Church. In every word that you put forth and in deed, I can see and hear the measure of your faith and the desire to do what you feel is right. The warmth of that belief and your love for me as one of your missionaries is so clear. I thank you for that, Sister C, and express my love to you in return. You are a wonderful, wonderful woman.

My words last night must have been disappointing for you. I do believe you are right to say that you saw it coming. It is truly only a matter of time before I leave the Church. It is also quite likely that nothing will stop this decision now despite the fact that at least a year stands between me and that choice. I cannot provide words to soothe that disappointment or soften the small shock that you might be feeling concerning my departure from the organization that you love and found salvation in.

You knew me best as a missionary. You listened to my companion and I talk about people we were teaching, of baptisms, of Confirmations, and of new people we had met. I cannot help but wonder if it would have been best to have never kept up communication with you so that in some way your memory of me would have been preserved and remained unblemished from the taint of time and of reality. But it is too late to retroactively fix what has occurred and I certainly have no intention of submitting to what you think is right for me.

I love you most sincerely and still think of you as my "Mission Mom." But I am no longer a missionary and to a certain extent, no longer a child. What I am, I am not so certain of for I do no feel as though I can claim I am a man. One day I may at last find out what I am but that will only be after the test of time.

I know not if there is a God and cannot with even the slightest amount of hope express that I believe there is, nor do I wish to. The burden of pain and anger have negated such desire to do so. I did not express this situation with you because I felt that you were already having to deal with one reality (me leaving the Church) and didn't need to be thrown into the deep end just yet. I share it now so that my response to your comments will make sense to some extent.

Right and wrong. Good and evil. These are concepts that are not universal in application. Not all societies view the same things as evil and good or right and wrong. Not all individuals share the same values as you or I or our neighbors or even citizens of nations half a world away. I have never found any reason to find homosexuality to be morally wrong or evil. Look at me, Sister C, and tell me that I am evil for wanting to have a relationship with a man. For hoping to share a life with another man, raise children with another man, go on vacations with him, suffer his quirks and bouts of anger and frustration, take care of him when he is sick and be taken care of when I am sick, and to share private moments where only we know what the other is thinking at that moment. I ask you simply how that is evil? Demonstrate this for me, please.

Your concept and view of homosexuality as being evil is, in my view, limited and stripped of humanity. You view this "challenge" as something that must be mastered and controlled. I ask you this: can love be mastered and controlled? I submit that there are ways to temporarily divert the flow of such interest and caring but ultimately it cannot be controlled. To attempt to do so is to weaken the human spirit, crush feeling altogether, and empty the mind of anything profound or useful. Family is the most basic unit in society. Why? Because such units, when properly existing, are knit in love and support amidst differences and similarities. Men and women were never meant to be solitary creatures.

Let us put aside the fact that I do not believe in any God or gods or Goddess or goddesses for the moment and pretend that I do believe. It is my view that if God wishes to seek me out and feels that I am someone He wants, then he will do so and there is nothing that I can do to force his hand to do so. I can only act in this life as I think right and good. I cannot consciously decide to do what I think is evil or wrong. Denying my very soul, as you would have me do, is morally evil to me. So it is my opinion that I will let God, if he be there, inform me if I am wrong in my decision. Until such time, I will work to make my life and the lives of those around me better through work, service, friendship, and love.

Lastly, I wish to bring up your point on "happiness." Yes, you are correct that I am choosing to be happy and to seek after happiness. Is it not written that I have an inalienable right in the "pursuit of happiness"? Does not the vast majority of humanity try to do so? Those that join the Church, do they not do so out of a feeling of joy and of believing that it is right? Once those feelings occur within, does it not then fill them with happiness and that ultimately drives them forward? Was it not the prophet Lehi that stated to his son Jacob that "men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25)? For the purposes of this letter, I view the happiness that I speak of as joy and define this kind of happiness as that which weathers the storms of pain, stress, frustration, and loss and still remains there. I am happy! I have felt over the past year and half a joy and happiness that I have never felt before. It fills me up inside until I cannot help but shout out with all the energy inside of me and desire to share this happiness with others. I am smiling so much and I feel at peace. I am not at war with myself and have come to love and accept me for who I am and not what any institution or individual says that I am. You expressed that I am choosing my "happiness" and implied that it would be empty and hollow, replaced by misery and despair someday. I can only respond in one way to this: I will take that chance. If this happiness that I described previously is actually a hollow and shallow happiness and the "happiness" that I felt before (that of sorrow, suicidal thoughts, seeking escape through self-mutilation, loneliness, heartache, and longing) is true happiness, then I will take this empty and hollow one.

As stated before, I love you very dearly, Sister C. You shall always be to me my "Mission Mom." I shall always have fond memories of the fun times we missionaries had with your family on Preparation Day and when we celebrated our birthdays at your place. Thank you for your kindness and may it provide you with the joy that you seek and the testimony that you desire to have.

Sincerely,
Formerly Elder _____

Squaring the Circle

Arch Nemesis,

I've been thinking some more and wanted to add another serious post to this. Now, I know we have our fun. I call you an abomination, traitor, evil, so loathsome the Devil himself would toss you out of Hell; you know, light-hearted things. And you with equal light-hearted thought call me friend and misguided. We are equal on this as I see it. But of course, I would expect evil to deny the righteousness of its opposition. So I forgive you for your horrid, depraved, merciless ways.

In my last letter I attempted to enlighten you on just a tiny sampling of the people you wish to fight against. I could go on and bring in anecdotal evidence from as far away as the United Kingdom to just a matter of a distance that spans less than a football field. All of this would do what for you? Would it reveal the error of your ways and let in the light of the rightness of my cause? Surely not. How do I know this? It is manifested in the form of a mutual friend. A friend that I shall simply call Doctor. Now, Doctor has not the eloquence that I possess (who does have that gift to the degree that I possess it?) but I have noticed your friendship with him. Doctor, as you well know, is gay and happy about that. Now, I'm sure you'll say things like, "I love the sinner and hate the sin" but really, what does that mean?

I may despise your evil nature with a passion that surprises those around me. I may even consider you the very antithesis of light and goodness and that if there were such thing as a soul that yours would be the type that would suck that essence out of all others. But, I devolve into teasing you light-heartedly once more. What I did want to share was how fuzzy that line is between loving a person and hating what they do and how despite that you still manage to shelter yourself from that reality. I shall continue. Now, I will concede (a rare moment, indeed!) that habits are far easier to separate from the individual. A smoker is easier to be around and still separate the person from the addiction.

What about us wily gays?

How do you separate a person from their "addiction." And what is that addiction? Is it loving someone so purely and truly that they want to spend the rest of their lives with them, or even raise a family with them? Is it the desire to actually marry or wanting to have health care benefits and all other legal rights afforded a heterosexual married couple? Such a strange form of addiction. What about the desire of gay couples to attend churches, political rallies, be active in the lives of their children? Are these all manifestations of an addictive behavior? Where do you draw the line?

Imagine yourself telling Doctor, "I love you, bro, but I can't accept your lifestyle." What does that mean? I will substitute "addiction" with "lifestyle" and apply the questions of the previous paragraph to this word. What do friends do? I know that if one of my friends were to have a celebration of sorts, that I would go and show my support for them whether it be a bat mitzvah, baptism, birthday celebration, or even an anniversary of a wedding. I would do this regardless of their religion (or lack thereof), political affiliation, partner preference, sports team of choice, university allegiance, preference of good or evil, etc.

If you knew Wild and Seeker (which you very well may), I hope you would be able to transcend their preference in partner or their religious affiliation. I know that I would do so with you - I would ignore the rancid darkness that destroys your very mind, the cruelty which festers inside of you. Yet, alas, I know this to be not the case. Despite knowing Doctor, you still choose to maintain the views that you have likely held since a child. I would even go further as to state that the simplicity that you saw the world in at a young age is still maintained in those views now. You choose not to see that a circle fits into a circle hole. Rather, you'd rather put a square in the circular hole. Why, my arch nemesis?

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity

As Natural as a Fish in Water

Arch Nemesis,

Yesterday when I booed at your traitorous deeds, I succeeded in getting the common folk to join in. Our thunderous (or more like scattered) anger towards you cowed you into silence even if for only a moment. Now sure, you may say that such was not the case. It was all in good fun. Perhaps. Perhaps, indeed, my arch nemesis. But perhaps not! Perhaps the people are well aware of your nefarious deeds. See you for the darkness that is you!

Certainly it was not because I started it and they thought it was funny. No, the people are much smarter than that. They most certainly did not see a good time in my honest and just strike against you. They definitely were not booing you because of your abandoning this church group, or ward, to fulfill your terribly boring lusts (such as fiddling with computers and awkwardly asking girls out before avoiding them). And they most certainly did not encourage you to come back with listening to your message and then clapping at the end. I shall reveal their true intent: they were clapping for your departure!!!

Now we may have our differences, Arch Nemesis, like light is opposed to darkness and water to fire; neither can abide the presence of the other. But we have our similarities too: we both breathe. But I have often puzzled over why you think the way you do. I mean, clearly, it's wrong and I freely admit that this is so for you. I am right. This state of things is as natural as a fish in water and we all know how much your side loves the natural argument. I also love the natural argument too, but only when it suits chaste depravity.

But I have to ask myself this question: why do you care so much about what you fight for? Why do you oppose gay marriage, adoption by gay parents, the secularization of society, and the liberal policies of the current administration? Surely you know that you are wrong and I, by just being me, am right? But I suppose I am kidding myself to think you know better. Still I wonder.

In closing, as this was meant to be short (I am about to enjoy watching our current president own the House Republicans) I quote Alfalfa, "You are the scum between my toes."

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity

Your Evil is a Cesspool to Me

Arch Nemesis,

Some days I think you have to live in a bubble to not know how silly some of your ideas are. Then I realize that you do live in a bubble, our school's. You grew up in Utah, served a Mormon mission to some foreign country, came back virtually unchanged and certain that your beliefs triumph over all of us godless heathens, and went to Brigham Young University. When I consider all of this...I stop and say, "Well of course! He's just closed-minded." Oh, if such nuances between good and evil were that simple. But your evil is more than that, isn't it? You don't just endorse and believe you are correct you know you're correct.

Whereas I, in all my wholesome debauchery, am above the tawdry foolishness of your thoughts. I embrace the light (a rather hard thing to do, I'll have you know) and seek after virtue and whatever else is righteous-y. I have always been true to my beliefs (like you). I have always been faithful to the truth (unlike you!). So, I snub my perfect nose at you. Harumph!

Let's be real though, dear Arch Nemesis, we have our differences. They are as brightly evident as the sun in the sky. One in particularly is that I endorse the political right of social freedoms for minorities. We are equal as humans when it comes to the right to vote and marry. My choice to marry a man does not inhibit or destroy your ability to find a woman (and then run like hell away from her). But maybe it does. Maybe - in some way - you are unable to find girl (and once finding her: actually make any form of contact with her) and marry her because I exist. I destroy your ability to have a happy successful marriage. If we were neighbors taking care of our lawns would mine be perfectly manicured and cared for while yours would become a cesspool that mirrors your evil heart? Naturally, of course. But would your evil cesspool of a yard be because I worked on my yard and am therefore at fault? According to you, yes.

Arch Nemesis, I bear no evil against you (just righteous, humble, all-American fury). That's what you do with a smile on your face holding Jesus in your heart as you do so. It sends me crashing to the ground when I realize the absurdity of your worldview. On one hand you are some emissary of a God of love while in the other you hold the shackles of slavery, depression, and destruction against people like me. It's as though someone (sure, why not God) wrote this comedy of absurdities to which you and I act our parts (I, of course virtuous and you of pure and mindless evil-ness).

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity