Layers of an Onion and Monty Python

Dear Kiley,

It's been a few days or so since we last exchanged letters. You were completely spot on with your last post on Mormons and obedience. I thank you for that! So you shared this quote by M.L. Mencken, “[Religion’s] single function is to give man access to the powers which seem to control his destiny, and its single purpose is to induce those powers to be friendly to him… Nothing else is essential.” I just wanted to comment on it.

But first: Monty Python clips!

I love Mony Python, ha ha!

So, to break down his comments (for my sake), Mencken claims that religion's sole function is for the individual to gain favors whatever they believe by seducing the divine in that individual's favor. The second claim by Mencken is that this is all that is essential.

I will agree with Mencken that one of religion's functions is to assist the individual in gaining favor from whatever they believe that controls the destiny of mortals. Judaism has Abraham bartering with God on saving Sodom and Gomorrah, Gideon with the fleece, Jeremiah and the whale, and so on. Greeks have such characters too with their demigods, gods, powers, and mortals. Catholicism today as the Saints that intervene on behalf of mortals in God's plan, Bodhisattvas work the same in Mahayana Buddhism, and so on. Individuals do interact with the divine in such a way. It is a perfectly rational explanation for why the individual believer interacts with institutional religion.

However, to say this is the sole function of religion is, in my opinion, a bit overly simplistic. Religion is not only about what M.L. Mencken states. Religion is also about acquiring and maintaining power, creating a coherent (and even incoherent) explanation of the metaphysical and physical universe, and providing a cause for existing.

Religion, like so many complex and diverse organizations, have layers to them. The motives of the individual, lowly believer can and are quite different from leaders, groups, and the entirety of the organization. So, yes, religions are like an onion (a stinky one). In my opinion, religions exist independent of the beliefs and will of the believers. They may influence it and direct where it goes but that cannot compare to how much the religion pushes them to believe and do.


So, to keep this letter short, I just want to give an abbreviated history of religion when it comes to politics and religion.


History or Yesterday's Hip Trends

This whole notion of separation of Church and State is relatively new in the history of civilization. Theocracies are rather an old (albeit tired) idea of how governments should run. To use a Mormon example, it is quite likely the "political structure" implied in the Nephite civilization derived its laws from the Laws of Moses (making the story of Korihor and the judges a bit ironic from this lens). Jewish civilization derived its laws and political structure from "divine" sources. Egyptian Pharoahs, Japanese emperors, European monarchies, Sumerian kings, and even Roman emperors all either claimed a divine birth-right or maintained some kind of divinity during life and after death. You wanted to rule people? You had to give people a reason to follow you.

Rulers in the ancient world were pretty much the head of their state religions. You couldn't be a king unless the gods were on your side. Another example of this is the Mandate of Heaven with China. Emperors were only safe as long as the mythical Mandate of Heaven was in place. Natural disasters and stronger enemies were your worst nightmare as a king. And crop failure was a bitch!

Things changed in Western civilization with the dawn of the Reformation. Those annoying Protestants challenged Catholic (meaning universal) rule throughout Western Europe. They had the audacity to argue that the Pope was not the sole authority on scripture. Nationalism began with this, local leaders in the German lands took advantage of this by consolidating their power away from The Vatican. Independence always creates problems for your former rulers. King Henry VIII used the Supremacy Act to severe ties with the Pope. It gave rise to greater British nationalism.

From this point on, governments made their power and jealously guarded it. They didn't trust religion (with the exception of the Spanish, Italians, Portuguese, and to some extent the French). Protestants and the new governments that were being formulated during the Reformation and the centuries that followed employed the idea that government should start to separate the idea of government and religion. Under President Jefferson, he wrote his famous letter.

My point in bringing all this up is to point out that religion, especially authoritarian style religions, have had a long history of sharing power with government. The Islamic Shari'ah Law movement and the Christian Dominionism are both modern examples of this effort. These movements are efforts to impose a particular set of views upon entire societies. I would argue that some religions, especially ones that have authoritarian forms of structure, do seek for more power, particularly political power. The function of religion is to acquire and maintain power.

Your friend,
That Crazy MoFo

Family...Isn't It About...Love?

Dear Sentry,

I've been writing to Kiley recently about my opinions on Mormonism. The last letter I wrote to her was one that spoke of my anger and frustration at Mormons' hypocrisy. Kiley gave a great response to those sentiments, Sentry. Since writing that letter and reading her response as well as Jonathan's latest blogpost I have come to have some more thoughts on this subject. A group that gathers at BYU called USGA (Understanding Same-Gender Attraction) watched the movie "Prayers for Bobby." It's one of those movies that makes me cry. I also have been getting further in my reading of And the Band Played On, the tragic history of the early years of the AIDS epidemic.

Now, I wish to speak to you, Sentry, about family. Family is the thing that is supposedly central to all beliefs of my childhood faith. It is a believe meant to invoke joy and optimism. I loved the Disney movie "Lilo and Stitch" because it was about family.

I loved the movie "Shelter" for one of the themes on family. It was something that tugged at my heart and resonated far more than anything else in the story.

Yes, Sentry, I am a dork. No matter how much I may feud or be hurt by what my parents say, I still love the corny and lame jokes my father likes to say (And they are very corny...). I love my older brother's cynicism and sarcasm, his wife's cheerful optimism and curiosity. I love the fact that my mom will drop everything to help you when you need it. Family is a strange thing. I am angry and hurt at what happened a month ago but I love them still.

 

Families come in all shapes and sizes. If I were to list all the people that I considered family...it would fill up pages. Family is what happens, in my opinion, when individuals' hearts become knit to each other in love (and not just romantic love). Dear friends are part of my family. That means that I would drop everything to help you. Your happiness is my desire. I want to see you fall in love with whomever you may love (male, female, gay, straight, bi). I want to see your life filled with laughter and smiles until your face is so wrinkled in your old age from smiling.

I want to meet the one you fall in love with. And when it takes several times before you discover the right one, I want to meet them all.

  
I want to rejoice when you're happy, cry when you're sad, yell with you when you're angry, and whatever else you may need from me.

Your friend,
Traveler

(I had to share LDS videos for this. If there's one thing the Mormon Church instilled in me, it's the desire to marry and have a family. Too bad for those Mormons that I'll be marrying a guy, ha ha!)

From Hypocrisy to Moby: Schadenfreude

Dear Kiley,

This is an angry letter, I confess. The central theme here is hypocrisy. I do not deny that I am guilty of being a hypocrite as well. It is, unfortunately, a part of human nature to be hypocritical at times. Our very existence as being mortal, fallible, and imperfect means that we travel with such companions as hypocrisy, frailty, and sorrow alongside happiness, vigor, and courage. No mere person can escape this, in my opinion. It is for us as individuals, as humans, to not focus so much on rising above our hypocrisies (that should be an indirect goal). Rather our focus should be to work through our concerns, problems, and insecurities while finding a way to live and tolerate the many hypocrisies in our lives.

I turn my anger towards Mormonism and Christianity and look upon them as being the same in this view of them. At the same time, I do not deny that such a labeling of "hypocrisy" can easily be applied to any religion, government, or organization that has ever existed, does exist, and will exist in the future. But for the purpose of this letter, I wish to direct the label of hypocrisy at Christianity and Mormonism.

I have been reading the book "And the Band Played On" by Randy Shilts these past several weeks. The book covers the truly tragic and pathetic history of the rise of the AIDS epidemic in the United States and Europe. I hate what I am reading, or rather I hate how the history of everything is playing out in this book. I cannot help but cry during it, grow angry, and become frustrated with the whole thing. It's like see the unfurling of a vast and interconnected web. I'm watching as the lines become revealed and see how they interconnect and become tangled. The entire time, I'm waiting to see where my line connects to this whole thing.

I've never met any of the people that I've read about so far. I already fear they are all dead, some twenty-five years after the last year that was covered in this book. It saddens me so much. The book has so far argued successfully that the ease in which the AIDS epidemic spread in those crucial early years in the United States was the result of an apathetic media, society, and government. They were apathetic because homosexuals contracted the disease. Those dirty gays got the disease so it's all right if they die. No one cares about them.

(Warning: rant about to occur. Flee now if you are allergic to rants)

Where is the Christianity that supposedly follows Christ? The Christianity that takes to heart the counsel that Christ gave in these questions "For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if he salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so (Matthew 5:46-47)?" Where is the heeding of the commandment to love thy neighbor as thyself? Or are those that are not your type of "Christian" or non-Christian not worth their time? This Christianity that supposedly is for peace and love, helping others...where is it? Where were they - when the children they cast out of their homes for being gay, ostracized them for daring to love what they are attracted to naturally, hated them for actually standing up for basic human rights and dignity, sought to gain influence so as to make their lives better - where were they when they began to die? Where were their mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, grandmas and grandpas?

This short excerpt from the book is the most recent passage that made me cry. The person that is speaking has just lost two of his friends to the unnamed AIDS virus. After having read Stonewall, watched the Mormon Church's campaign for Proposition 8 in 2008, listened to the hate speeches of reverends and politicians, and just heard the typical hate rhetoric of so many average Mormons here in Utah, I can understand some of the pain that this man must have felt here:

"As a harsh rain beat down, Paul again pondered the familiar imponderables. Why is this happening to me, to all my friends? Hadn't they put up with enough shit for one lifetime? Why doesn't anybody seem to care? What a fucking nightmare" (Shilts 140).

So I cannot help but wonder when I see Mormonism and Christianity why I should ever bother to describe them as good or any word similar to that. I have heard such descriptions used to describe the Mormon community: they take care of their own. What about others? I don't recall Christ doing that when he spoke to the woman at the well, healed a blind man, healed lepers, healed a Centurion's servant, or brought Jairus' daughter back to life. I don't recall reading that Christ was ever arrogant during those acts. I don't recall him complaining or telling them how evil they were.

This is where I see hypocrisy. They laud their good gifts to each other and the world but continue to ignore all the evil around them. They defend such immoral acts under the banner of Goodness. They speak with such venom and oily smiles that it makes me sick. When I read of the AIDS epidemic and of the Religious Right's rise during that time, I see them as the foul, pathetic, and disgusting people they are. I read of the sorrow and loss of those that died from AIDS or those that lived to watch their friends and lovers die, the pain that came from not knowing what was destroying them, the feelings of being helpless by those few doctors that tried to stop what was happening, the abandonment of the gay community by society in their hour of need, and the the sorrow that comes from death.

Christianity and Mormonism, what are their fruits? Hypocrisy, abandonment, death, arrogance, and hatred. Where, if such a thing ever existed, did the Christianity and Mormonism go that supposedly existed in my readings of the scriptures?

Why does any of this matter? Humans are fallible and pathetic. Yes, yes. I know, I'm taking quite the Augustine of Hippo approach. Permit me, if you will. These religions that claim to have "The Truth" should show some evidence of this. Otherwise, how are they distinguishable from any of these other "man-made" organizations? Shouldn't these religions that claim they are "good" actually do good things more often than by accident?  Yeah, I know, I'm crazy for thinking that.

Your friend,
That Crazy MoFo

P.S. Some funny and beautiful videos to cheer you up :)

Follow the Prophet (Kiley, It's a long one, sorry)

Dear Kiley,

So, I've talked about life (and death) with you. I'm sure I've bored you somewhat, lol! But I wanted to shift topics. Death is such a gloomy subject anyway. The next thing that I wanted to talk about with you was what I perceive as inconsistencies with the Mormon prophets.

As always, I'm not some expert on Mormon history or anything. Just a guy that reads a fair amount, ha ha! So, I want to draw a comparison between Joseph Smith and other prophets from things I've noticed.

When I served a mission, I was taught to encourage people to ask questions about why God did certain things in the past but not now to get them to conclude that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow so there are prophets still on the Earth and that the ancient church is the same as the modern church. This tool of asking questions is what I wish to employ now.

From what I've observed, prophets maintain and have the gift of discernment, prophecy, the ability to decipher and understand languages lost and unknown, to tap into any knowledge they need, and heal the sick. Essentially, a prophet is superhuman. An LDS prophet has the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound...well, something like that.

Joseph Smith, the prophet of the Restoration, is credited for translating the Book of Mormon from Reformed Egyptian (a language lost and unknown to the modern world...and as far as I know it is still lost and unknown) into Old English with thees and thous. He was able to speak in tongues and did so on multiple occasions in front of witnesses. He cast out devils. Received revelations for countless individuals, saw visions of the afterlife and judgment, spoke with angels, healed the sick, and even saw and conversed with God the Father and God the Son. These certainly could qualify as miracles. We will ignore, for the purpose of this topic, the accuracy or even truthfulness of these events and abilities. He predicted the Civil War and how it would start in South Carolina. That prophecy was about thirty years before the actual event. 

Joseph Smith was the prophet of the Restoration. So why have things changed? In all the Sunday School classes I've had, I have heard all the amazing and wondrous things that Joseph Smith did. He was bad ass. But then Brigham Young comes along and others follow after. Spencer W. Kimball comes along and in 1979 receives a revelation to permit all worthy males the right to the priesthood (prior to that, black men that had ancestry from Africa could not hold the priesthood). Prophets after that just continue on, boring and mundane. The stories that are shared about other prophets pail in comparison to Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith healed people that had malaria when they members of the Mormon community were in Illinois. He was in the presence of Jesus in the Kirtland Temple. Honestly, the miraculous stories of Joseph Smith go on and on. I'll refrain from mentioning them and move on to my next point.

I cannot help but ask the following questions, then, concerning prophets. Why, did the Church not purchase or seek to translate Dead Sea Scrolls once they were discovered or at any point after? Were they not considered sacred? Did they no longer consider it the role or calling of the prophet to translate such ancient texts that are connected to Bible? Why is it that the prophets no longer translate languages? Why is the Book of Mormon translated into different languages by experts and not by the hand of the prophet? Why is it that the Mormon Church does not announce revelations about amazing doctrines? Why is it that Joseph Smith seems to be the only prophet that did this (the exception perhaps being Brigham Young's Adam-God theory. Kimball's revelation was more of a change of policy than new revelation where doctrine is changed so dramatically that it fundamentally alters things). I remember countless times of sitting in the Priesthood Session of General Conference wondering if the Prophet was going to announce some new and wondrous revelation. Why are there no longer stories of prophets administering to the sick, receiving revelations to be published for the saints to feast their eyes on? Why is it that prophets no longer prophecy about things? Prophetic utterances today seem mundane and...well, not prophetic.

I have heard others claim that the reason these things no longer happen is because it's not needed. The prophet doesn't need to translate the Dead Sea Scrolls because people can do it without prophetic assistance. I've also heard the prophet is busy. So what then, does a prophet do? Hold meetings and participate in the rituals of the Church and that's that? I don't recall Elijah attending or holding meetings to discuss church policy. But perhaps the writers of the Bible thought it not faith-promoting to mention that "Verily, Elijah did slumber most peacefully in the meeting on Weights and Measures of Israeli Public Policy. Yea, he did sleep mightily and snore mightily until some servant nudged him. Whereupon, Elijah, servant of God, did wake up mid-snore and listen for a few seconds more before dozing off." I'm sure that's what it was. They decided that such stories would put the readers to sleep as well.

It seems to me that prophets today do very little that is traditionally recognized as prophetic. It seems like the song "Come, Listen to a Prophet's Voice" just means "Listen to this old guy. He's a riot...ok, well, he'll at least put you to sleep with his monotone voice...but come anyway...please?!"

It seems to me that all new religions have a bursting of ideas, revelations, and news to be shared from the divine to its mortal mouthpiece. But then, after that, it's just a steer the course and don't rock the boat with new ideas. The Mormon Church claims to be a Church of Revelation but it seems to be nothing more than a treat of well described policy and PR moments and little else. Is this all God had to say to us in this period of Restoration? All has been restored and that's it? God has no comment no the treatment of women except in polite and rather boring church policy statements? God isn't that concerned with the constant suffering of His children in Africa and throughout the world? Perhaps not since those people are probably not tithe-payers. God cared little for the hundreds and thousands of gay men, prostitutes, and drug users that were killed early on in the AIDS epidemic? God probably hated them since they weren't following Jesus anyway. God just has nothing to say anymore that matters?

So the heavens are closed? The prophets don't care anymore or don't care to ask God anymore? Why is it that there is such a disparity between Joseph Smith and the men that followed after as prophets of the Mormon Church?

Your friend,
That Crazy MoFo

Death Part 2 and Other Fun Stuff

Dear Kiley,

I want to add some more to my letter on the value of life (and death) among Mormons. So last letter I focused on the God aspect of it (sort of, lol). Now I want to focus on the average Joe aspect. I've been reading a book on the history of the AIDS epidemic from 1978-1985: the beginning of it in the United States, Europe, and Africa. I confess that I cry while reading this book. It just breaks my heart to know and realize how the world actually works. So when I'm finished reading this book, I am soooo going to read something lighthearted and cheery.

Reading this book helped me realize that respect for life is conditional among my friends (Mormons and non-Mormons) and family. I grew up in a family where war was viewed as being inevitable and unavoidable. War was something to glory about. Death was virtually ignored because that was just depressing, you know? Capital punishment was seen as necessary and vital to the progress and security of society. Social deviants, particularly homosexuals to my father, did not really deserve life. Oh sure, no one should organize a mob and kill them, but they were disgusting, deviant individuals that mar the good nature of "average" Americans. Who these average Americans are, I have no idea to this day. While watching television one time, he said with disgust how terrible it was that the government was giving more money to fund the AIDS research. In his opinion it was the gays' own faults for contracting this lethal disease.

I will state simply here that while I don't use "support," I do recognize the ugly truth that sometimes war is an option that must be undertaken. The why's behind this are for another time. That same attitude is also what underlies my grudging stance of allowing capital punishment to exist (in other words, why I don't actively go out and work to remove it).

Growing up in Northern California, I witnessed friends and strangers alike cry out angry words against Muslim countries during 9/11 and in the subsequent invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq. I am ashamed to admit that I supported such actions by the United States (particularly the invasion of Iraq). Several of my friends seemed to see war as same as fighting some kid after school with a ring of kids around you to watch it and cheer you on. Our enemies were wrong and we were right. Even as a believer, I found church statements and church members' support of war disturbing. How quick people were to cite passages for going to war and fighting over the passages of peace, forgiveness, and valuing life.

The main point I have in these two letters is that Mormons do not respect life, as I have come to understand. They may give lip service and fight for fetuses' rights but they do not value life itself. Life is cheapened by such doctrines as the afterlife and resurrection. It is devalued in the face of war, murder, genocide, and apathy towards such acts. Life is excused in the face of mounting starvation, human suffering, and even distance between those suffering and those not.

But can it be excused? I mean, aren't we all human and therefore prone to errors? After all, the West once actively participated in slavery for hundreds of years but it eventually learned from its mistakes, right? After all, we seem to learn from our mistakes. Nobody's perfect. The Church is a reflection, at times, of the people that are living their lives under the counsel of God and becoming better people, right? All these things may be true. And I will never deny the fact that there are those within the LDS Church that exhibit a better understanding than I do about the sanctity of life and live according to those values better than I do. But there are also those outside of the LDS Church in other religions and organizations that do the same. There is, in my opinion, no concerted effort to value life and no real interest in interpreting scripture and theology in such a way as to respect the priceless gift of life through all of its stages.

Do you agree, Kiley?

Your friend,
That Crazy MoFo

That cat is evil

I love this baby :)

The Value of Life (and Death) and Karen Walker

Dear Kiley,

I wanted to talk about the value of life and death in the Mormon Church as far as I've seen and interacted with. As always my disclaimer, I am no expert so take my opinions for what they're worth.

When I was in Kindergarten there was this story that was shared with all of us kids. I was six years old (that's twenty years ago for me, lol!) then. My teacher (Mrs. Walsh, I believe), told us the story of the Gingerbread Man. As a child I loved the magical nature of the story. A gingerbread comes to life and runs away to go on an adventure. My teacher made us gingerbread cookies (real ones!) and I loved the smell and taste of gingerbread. There were even little adventures connected to the story that the teacher had us play. Yes, Mrs. Walsh was a good teacher.

Stories are meant to teach morals and such. The gingerbread man got careless and trusted in something that he shouldn't have trusted in. That carelessness cost the gingerbread man his life. A sobering thought indeed. Now, I know there are other meanings to the story (never let a woman put you in the oven or put frosting on your head before running), but I just wanted to share that observation.

The Mormon and Christian God is the creator and destroyer of all things. Mormons, though, limit God's creative and destructive powers. God does not create from nothing (ex nihilo or "out of nothing") and cannot send matter into oblivion. But the Christian God can and does. This difference, however important theologically and in the realm of matter, is not going to be addressed here.

Returning to childhood memories, I want to bring up another story. Remember the song "I'm trying to be like Jesus"? I find the song, as an adult, incredibly fascinating as it is an insight into remaking what has traditionally been taught about so many topics. Now, the point of the song is to encourage children (and by extent, adults) to follow the God of the New Testament, Jesus.

Children are typically sheltered from the more heinous stories of the God of the Old Testament (death seems to bother children somehow). But the funny part with this song is the great theological point that it fails to address. Jesus, as the Mormons see it, is the God of the Old Testament. That God is a God with so much blood on his hands that you could probably fill the rivers, oceans, and lakes with it and still not run out. He is responsible for the worldwide massacre in the Flood, the nearly successful genocide of the Canaanites, the murder of the first born Egyptians, the slaughtering of the Israelites before healing them with a brazen serpent, the wholesale slaughtering of the Assyrian armies, the murdering of a man for attempting to steady the Ark of the Covenant, and so on. Honestly, I could continue to list off story after story of the God of the Old Testament (a.k.a. Jesus the future Messiah) and his many fascinating ways of killing people (See 1 Chronicles 21: 1-14). In the Old Testament, from how I see things, Christ/God is quite the vindictive God. He is a God that responds to "sin and iniquity" with speedy death sentences (Romans 6:23). Families were slaughtered for one person's sins, the person died as well (Numbers 16:30-33).

Resurrection does not give value to life taken away. In fact, it cheapens life. In Sunday School lessons by the dozens, I was taught that the people killed in the Flood were sent to the afterlife to learn about God. They could not stay on Earth because their wickedness would destroy the plan of God and God would just not have that! This was seen as good thing and in every lesson the people in class would murmur their approval of this story.

The problem with this line of thought, though, is that it teaches something very sinister. Your life only has value to God and the followers of that faith so long as you are accomplishing the goals they/God has in mind. The moment you step outside of it, you are no longer of worth or use. Death is a kind service to give to you. Your life is not priceless but, rather, with a price. It is something with a finite value, to be extinguished when your service is no longer needed. That you can be revived is an empty and cheap promise. Why bother, then, with even living? God does not seem to care much about your life. When dealing with rulers, the lives of the common people are just pawns to be used as bargaining chips against their rulers (1 Chronicles 21: 1-14).

I'm gonna have to cut off my line of thought for now. This letter is getting just too long.

Your Friend,
That Crazy MoFo

Mormons, What?

 Dear Kiley,

I wanted to share some of my thoughts on Mormonism with you today. This has been due to our conversations on it both yesterday and in the past. Also, you're wonderful! Any lesbian or bi lady looking to meet a wonderful and awesome woman should meet her!

Mormonism (also "Morg", "that church," "the church with the polygamists," and "aren't you the ones that wear the magic underwear?") is something I feel somewhat familiar with. I'd like to point out that I am not a historian in any sense (my major is political science not history) so take my opinions for what they're worth! Mormonism is too huge of a topic to address in one letter to you. Honestly, if I did that the pages would go on FOREVER! So, I'll subdivide it into more manageable topics (and not make them too wordy).

I do not promise coherency in these letters, by the way. Just the ramblings of a guy that reads too much, ha ha!

When it comes to Mormonism in general, I see a religion that does do good (acts of charity, creating a functioning community for its members to interact in, and developing a safety net within those communities) and does not so good things. I find, as I do with all other spiritual doctrines of other faiths, that Mormon beliefs are smoke and mirrors. I recognize that the Mormonism at BYU is quite different from the Mormonism taught and practiced in Colorado, Wyoming, Washington, and California where I grew up and served my mission. In interacting with people from other places, I have found that Mormonism is different to some degree depending on where you are. I absolutely detest BYU's Mormonism. How can a group of people so evidently and clearly intelligent be so...ignorant?

A couple examples to illustrate my previous comment. While in Sunday School a few years back, I had a teacher sum up the Reformation as a time when people were just searching for the truth and a jolly good attempt at it too but thankfully God brought about the Restoration later so that those people's kids could know the truth. I was a believer when I heard this and was flabbergasted. All I could was about how the woman had willfully and naively ignored the bloody and brutal history of the Reformation. Just read about the Anabaptists or the Thirty Year War.


A friend of mine had a roommate that saw the Holocaust as God's punishment of the Jews. 20th Century Jews deserved what they got because of what their ancestors supposedly did 2,000 years ago to God's son. That kind of thinking just makes any rational person's jaw drop in shock. Good to know that 6 million Jews were all that was needed to atone for the crucifying of Jesus. Good to know that the persecution and hate they received for the past 2,000 years wasn't enough. To lighten the mood, watch this video.


They speak as though their view were true. The Reformation was just a big ol' friendly chat that the Restoration settled the matter on and no blood was shed in either times. The Jews were merely settling a debt with God, that's all. I see this line of thinking throughout much of my friends' thinking. It's fine for the Lawgiver to have power over death, but we are supposed to follow his example, but not kill, but ignore when he wantonly kills because he has a reason, but, but but. The Canaanites were guilty of child sacrifice so of course they deserved to be wiped out. All of them: men, women, and children. Infants and pregnant women would not have been spared. This was all jolly good justice on God's part.

These first few ramblings are my opinions on Mormonism. They are incoherent. But I admit they begin to cover my disagreement with the Mormons on how they view death, rationalize history, and explain the actions of God.

Your friend,
That Crazy MoFo

Religion...Where?

Dear Sentry,

Religion has been on my mind a lot recently. Discussions of God, homosexuality and faith, religions, religion within societies, and such. So far, Sentry, I have met straight and gay people that are nearly every shade of religious and non-religious possible throughout my life. I'm sure there are many more varieties but for now, I feel that I have experienced enough to discuss some of this with you, Sentry.

So what does religion and faith mean to you, Sentry? What are your experiences with faith and with organized religions? As is probably obvious, I was raised Mormon. I do not regret this and am not ashamed of that. My parents taught me to be honest, hard working, charitable, quick to forgive, and eager to learn. These lessons are still with me. They may no longer carry a God-oriented attachment to them, but they still carry the force of importance in them that they've always had while growing up.

My family came across the plains with the Mormons on my father's side. My great-great grandfather helped settle the Cache Valley area of Utah. My mother's side crossed the plains after the railroads connected the American coasts. They settled up in Montpelier, Idaho. My own parents were married in an LDS temple. Each of my siblings and I were baptized and raised in the Church. My sister's oldest son was baptized into the Church earlier this year. All the boys in my family received the Aaronic and Melchizedek Priesthoods. My older brother and I both served missions. My parents are still heavily involved with the Church to this day. All of my mother's friends are Mormon these days.

My point in sharing that, Sentry, is to show a small amount of the impact religion has had on my family's lives. Religion has influenced my life. Since my mission I have taken a look at other religions to see how they think and believe. I have gone to the Hare Krishna temple south of here, the Evangelical Christian church that meets in a converted car mechanic shop, the beautiful cathedral of the Catholics near Temple Square, and the small Episcopal chapel in the town I live in. A small number, yes, but enough to allow me to discover diversity of religious views even in this state.

It's my hope and desire to talk with you further about religious subjects. After all, religion is a powerful thing. It has occupied the minds of billions of people throughout history and around this planet today. Thinking it's no big deal is childish at best.

What do you think about all this, Sentry?

Your friend,
Traveler

What Matters Part 2

Mr. Hunter,

I am tired of being beaten down by this place. I'm tired of this spirit-crushing climate where with a smile they offer in one extended hand joy beyond comprehension in the form of eternal families and living with God again, in with the other strike me down so viciously for wanting to do exactly what I've been told to do: form a family. I'm tired of being told that serving others is somehow equivalent to the peace, security, and joy found in a companion that you've spent decades with side by side in tragedy and wonder. I'm tired of feeling like I am somehow subhuman to all those around me. That I have some kind of disease, temptation, or evil spirit placed there by biology, culture, choice, God, or the Devil.

Enough!

No more with this word play that leaves me gasping for breath and struggling to hold back the tears. I will not yield one more piece of my heart to them so that they can feast upon my pain, sorrow, and desire to be human! I have reached the end of my complacency while watching the placid smiles on the faces of those that express belief in a loving God that is at best distant and at worst cruel beyond imagination.

My heart has bled enough from this. I have shed too many tears and have allowed too many times of panic clutching at my chest and stomach until I want to drop to my knees in surrender. How can such an institution that claims to be the Ultimate Good cause so much sorrow and pain? When I think back on my own pain I want to take my fist and break through the wall. I don't want to beat my fists against solid wall anymore. I want to obliterate that wall.

I have seen too many friends twist and turn as they attempt to find themselves. Standing at crossroads with a weariness so apparent in how they stand, shoulders barely held up, and eyes downcast. I have stood by the side of friends that have begged for life to not extend beyond this moment. I have heard the words of fear, seen bodies contorted to meet the needs of people that barely acknowledge the twisted state of my friends' souls. I have steadied trembling limbs, brushed away tears of pain, and kissed back pain. I have done all of this without any complaint and without question will do it again a million times over. But come daylight or the bell ringing or the hours passing they bury their pain and put on a face to hide their torn souls from the world.

I want to scream until my voice is hoarse, Mr. Hunter. I want to rage and shake the very pillars of the earth. I want to just flex this rage within and strike vengeance at someone...something...

But how will that heal broken hearts? How will that bring my friends (and I) to understand we are not evil, wrong, or abandoned? How will any of my anger soothe painful wounds inflicted by careless or deliberate words? How would my anger help?

So here I am, Mr. Hunter, fists raised and ready to fight but shoulders slumped under the knowledge that it would make no difference. I lower them knowing I possess not the power to make things right. It's times like these I wish the God of Justice, spoken of in Christian and Mormon scripture, were real. But that God hates my brothers and I. We are a scourge down through the ages. We have no place with that God. He would never give us justice...or mercy.

What do I do now, Mr. Hunter? I just want to be done with everything in this place and leave and never return.

Your brother

Words From the Heart

Dear Sister C,

I congratulate you on the wedding of your daughter and wish them the the brightest of marriages: full of hope, much joy and laughter, and deep and thought-provoking moments in life! I can only hope for a long and happy life for the two of them and I only hope for a long and happy life for you, your husband, and your children and their spouses.

It is evident in your very words and actions the depth of your love for God and the LDS Church. In every word that you put forth and in deed, I can see and hear the measure of your faith and the desire to do what you feel is right. The warmth of that belief and your love for me as one of your missionaries is so clear. I thank you for that, Sister C, and express my love to you in return. You are a wonderful, wonderful woman.

My words last night must have been disappointing for you. I do believe you are right to say that you saw it coming. It is truly only a matter of time before I leave the Church. It is also quite likely that nothing will stop this decision now despite the fact that at least a year stands between me and that choice. I cannot provide words to soothe that disappointment or soften the small shock that you might be feeling concerning my departure from the organization that you love and found salvation in.

You knew me best as a missionary. You listened to my companion and I talk about people we were teaching, of baptisms, of Confirmations, and of new people we had met. I cannot help but wonder if it would have been best to have never kept up communication with you so that in some way your memory of me would have been preserved and remained unblemished from the taint of time and of reality. But it is too late to retroactively fix what has occurred and I certainly have no intention of submitting to what you think is right for me.

I love you most sincerely and still think of you as my "Mission Mom." But I am no longer a missionary and to a certain extent, no longer a child. What I am, I am not so certain of for I do no feel as though I can claim I am a man. One day I may at last find out what I am but that will only be after the test of time.

I know not if there is a God and cannot with even the slightest amount of hope express that I believe there is, nor do I wish to. The burden of pain and anger have negated such desire to do so. I did not express this situation with you because I felt that you were already having to deal with one reality (me leaving the Church) and didn't need to be thrown into the deep end just yet. I share it now so that my response to your comments will make sense to some extent.

Right and wrong. Good and evil. These are concepts that are not universal in application. Not all societies view the same things as evil and good or right and wrong. Not all individuals share the same values as you or I or our neighbors or even citizens of nations half a world away. I have never found any reason to find homosexuality to be morally wrong or evil. Look at me, Sister C, and tell me that I am evil for wanting to have a relationship with a man. For hoping to share a life with another man, raise children with another man, go on vacations with him, suffer his quirks and bouts of anger and frustration, take care of him when he is sick and be taken care of when I am sick, and to share private moments where only we know what the other is thinking at that moment. I ask you simply how that is evil? Demonstrate this for me, please.

Your concept and view of homosexuality as being evil is, in my view, limited and stripped of humanity. You view this "challenge" as something that must be mastered and controlled. I ask you this: can love be mastered and controlled? I submit that there are ways to temporarily divert the flow of such interest and caring but ultimately it cannot be controlled. To attempt to do so is to weaken the human spirit, crush feeling altogether, and empty the mind of anything profound or useful. Family is the most basic unit in society. Why? Because such units, when properly existing, are knit in love and support amidst differences and similarities. Men and women were never meant to be solitary creatures.

Let us put aside the fact that I do not believe in any God or gods or Goddess or goddesses for the moment and pretend that I do believe. It is my view that if God wishes to seek me out and feels that I am someone He wants, then he will do so and there is nothing that I can do to force his hand to do so. I can only act in this life as I think right and good. I cannot consciously decide to do what I think is evil or wrong. Denying my very soul, as you would have me do, is morally evil to me. So it is my opinion that I will let God, if he be there, inform me if I am wrong in my decision. Until such time, I will work to make my life and the lives of those around me better through work, service, friendship, and love.

Lastly, I wish to bring up your point on "happiness." Yes, you are correct that I am choosing to be happy and to seek after happiness. Is it not written that I have an inalienable right in the "pursuit of happiness"? Does not the vast majority of humanity try to do so? Those that join the Church, do they not do so out of a feeling of joy and of believing that it is right? Once those feelings occur within, does it not then fill them with happiness and that ultimately drives them forward? Was it not the prophet Lehi that stated to his son Jacob that "men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25)? For the purposes of this letter, I view the happiness that I speak of as joy and define this kind of happiness as that which weathers the storms of pain, stress, frustration, and loss and still remains there. I am happy! I have felt over the past year and half a joy and happiness that I have never felt before. It fills me up inside until I cannot help but shout out with all the energy inside of me and desire to share this happiness with others. I am smiling so much and I feel at peace. I am not at war with myself and have come to love and accept me for who I am and not what any institution or individual says that I am. You expressed that I am choosing my "happiness" and implied that it would be empty and hollow, replaced by misery and despair someday. I can only respond in one way to this: I will take that chance. If this happiness that I described previously is actually a hollow and shallow happiness and the "happiness" that I felt before (that of sorrow, suicidal thoughts, seeking escape through self-mutilation, loneliness, heartache, and longing) is true happiness, then I will take this empty and hollow one.

As stated before, I love you very dearly, Sister C. You shall always be to me my "Mission Mom." I shall always have fond memories of the fun times we missionaries had with your family on Preparation Day and when we celebrated our birthdays at your place. Thank you for your kindness and may it provide you with the joy that you seek and the testimony that you desire to have.

Sincerely,
Formerly Elder _____

Optimism

Dear Mom,


I write this letter to you in the hopes that in the future you will either stumble across this blog or that I will be able to feel comfortable enough to invite you to view it. A friend's mom recently discovered his blog and the result was extremely positive. It is my hope that that will be the same when the day comes that you read my blog. I love you and no amount of words (however fluent in the English language I become) will ever fully express the depth of that emotion and feeling towards you. Perhaps when you read this my heart will have broken because you cannot accept all of who I am. But it is my hope that you will take things as you did the night we walked together and talked of my growing disbelief in God.


That night - how strange it seems that only last week we talked - I walked with you not really expecting much beyond pleasant words exchanged and nimbly dodging topics of substance in our lives. Certainly that's how things began. Our conversations about people we knew and things going on in their lives was pleasant and nothing more than superficial. Sure, I love all those people, but I haven't talked to any of them in years with the single exception of Jo Ann.


That you should bring up the topic of my not holding a temple recommend was a wonderful surprise. When you did I tried my best to be careful and respectful of your feelings and desire to remain ignorant of all that was going on in my life. You have so many things on your plate that I didn't want to burden you with the knowledge that yet another one of your children was beginning to move away from the foundations you and Dad had tried to build for us.


Thank you for not backing away.


Your willingness to know, to really know, meant so much to me. Yes, I do have a hard time believing that there is a God in this whole wide universe. I have an even harder time accepting the notion that some anthropomorphic Being has done all that the Bible, Book of Mormon, and Doctrine and Covenants claims He has done. I read of so many inconsistencies and I hear so many contradictions that I cannot help but wonder what is really "true." But if anyone can truly help me see "the light" it will be you and Dad. You know my heart better than anyone.


I've seen the actions of so many Mormons from California and Washington state to Colorado and Wyoming and I see so many conflicting attitudes and views concerning doctrine and beliefs within the Church. I see the same disorganization concerning God as I do within Christianity. For now, Mom, I just cannot believe. It makes no sense to do so and it hurts too much. You know that now, and I thank you for that.


Perhaps in time I will change and perhaps not. But know once more that I love you and to me that's all that matters. I love you so very much. You have done so much for me and have been a wonderful mother. Thank you. I know that hard times are coming for us, all of us. What with your daughter still volatile, the grandkids' future unknown, your oldest son and his wife so far away and him struggling with some kind of depression, and your youngest son and his wife uninterested in so much.


Life is life. You cannot ask of it for something else. We must accept what is, change what we can, and deal with what we cannot. So, thank you for listening to me. It is my hope to write many more letters to you and that one day you will be able to read them and know of the love and concern I have for you as well as the optimism that I have for the future.


Your son always,
Hopeful

My Faith

Arch Nemesis,

I have been avoiding this letter for sometime. Sure, it's been easy to do so with finals and the wrap up of school but I could have easily wrote this letter at any time over the past several weeks. I have avoided it because I have not known the direction I wanted to take with this and how I wanted to present this. Now, I think it's time. You are now thousands of miles away, across oceans, and continents now. That distance makes things easier for me to write this for some reason.

As I write this, Arch Nemesis, I am listening to a spiritual song about following Jesus Christ. It is amusing to me that such a song would be playing while I'm writing a letter about religion and atheism. I do not write this to offend you and your pernicious evil. I write this to explain the context of why and who I am concerning this one small facet of my life. Surely your wicked mind set will not impede you in reading this and comprehending what I am attempting to convey.

I mean no disrespect towards most beliefs and doctrines that are held by most people on this planet. The richness and diversity of those beliefs fascinates me. I do not begrudge the belief of any individual and I do not hold any notion of destroying another person's beliefs. I follow the philosophy, as I have always done, of "live and let live." The journey I am on, far from complete, began with me being raised as a Mormon. I learned and came to love many of the Primary songs and memorized the Articles of Faith. I loved the stories of faith, courage, and devotion to God. It wasn't until my senior year that I developed a deep connection with the stories of faith. I term those stories the Crisis of Faith stories. Those stories are the ones when Alma and Amulek what their recent converts burn in the fire and they are placed in prison. The story of Hezekiah and the Assyrians, Elisha and the servant against the Syrians, Shadrach, Meshach, and Obed-nego with the fire. They touched my heart because I felt alone and cut with facing my being gay with a far stretching future and a feeling of failure on my part with God.

I served a mission and did so with as much joy, curiosity, and faith as I could manage. To say it was hard would be an understatement. It was what it was and I don't regret having ever served a mission. I look back on that time of my life with fondness and an understanding that it shaped and continues to shape my life. I believed in God without question during that period of time though I heavily doubted that he cared about me despite my efforts to seek after him. It has only been three and a half years since I served. The memories from that time are still fresh in my mind and still bring a smile to my face when I remember.

Post mission was different from any other point in my life. Suddenly, I was truly on my own. My faith was no longer building to something. I tried to study daily and maintain those habits that I had developed while on my mission. But it was as if things were many times harder. I began to enter into a period of depression, emptiness, and confusion. I will discuss that part of my life to you in another letter.

My point in all of this? I believed. I believed strongly. I cared about that faith and nurtured it with all my heart. I found purpose and joy in my faith, my Church. I loved the beliefs and doctrines that were taught by my leaders. I knew the doctrines and beliefs better than many of my peers throughout my childhood because I loved to learn about them. I did not experience my doubt and eventual departure from these beliefs until I was in college.

My arch nemesis, my hope is that you understand more clearly just the type of person that you have talked with. Convert me if you'd like, but before you do, learn a little more about who I am, please.

May you see reason some day,
Mr. Sanity

When We Were Gods

Arch Nemesis,

I want to change topics for a little bit. We've discussed gay rights and your lack of taste in music. Now, I'd like to shift the focus to religion itself. To start off, though, I wanted to summarize my thoughts in the form of a poem. I can only pray that you are capable of understanding my thoughts. As a rival, it is essential to be able to do so! But if not...I'll explain it in the next post.

When we were gods,
Immortality constantly within our grasp,
The seas bent to our command;
Trees shuddered:
Our footsteps were the stuff of nightmares.
Where we walked
None dared follow.
Our rage was pure, undefiled.
The very elements voiced our emotion.
Volcanoes:
Hatred unmatched.
Typhoons:
Echoes of primordial screams,
Rending the sky and earth.
Tsunamis:
Fury tangible.

With a mere thought,
Men and women became as animals;
Our jealousy:
The power they feared.
All forces bowed to us:
Light, darkness, death, and nature;
We bent them to our will as none else could.
The world,
No,
The universe was ours forever,
When we were gods.

Now, fate has betrayed us,
Turned time against the immortals.
We have become like the brutes:
Subject to death.
Our lives have faded,
From dust to dust;
Glory of our beauty
In stone, wood, and metal
Has become tarnished,
Worn, and corrupted.

No Zeus guides the lightening,
The sun and moon have no masters,
The titans are dead as we are soon to be,
Images and memories of our days of glory
Now reside in the few.
We have become as myths:
Stories to enchant little ones,
Scoffed at by all of humanity.
Love lacks the blindfolded archer to guide
And a goddess that rose from the sea to command him.

The skies, seas, woods, and mountains are empty.
The faeries, gods, nymphs, and dryads:
Voices from the dust,
Nothing in which to cling to.
The typhoons have lost their masters,
Tsunamis their purpose,
Volcanoes their drive.
All has faded away,
The stuff of myths and legends
Of a time long since passed:
When we were gods.

May you see reason someday,
Mr. Sanity